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NAMING WHAT’S REAL: MY ACES STORY
Years ago, when I began my gratitude journey, I wanted something that would make me feel better without leaving me hungover. I’d had enough of those. My gratitude list began to reveal patterns that shifted my focus from what I had lost to what I had left.
Right there on paper, I could see what lifted my mood and what brought me down. I recognized my strengths, my self-esteem improved, and I started to feel better naturally. I realized I was happiest when I was learning, so I set out to learn more about gratitude.
The more I learned, the more questions I had. I added them to my list, and that’s when I discovered introspective journaling and how good it felt to put my inner thoughts and feelings on paper so I could better understand myself and my behavior.
Here's one thing that puzzled me back then: I had a reputation for being tough and in control, yet I always fell short in romantic relationships. I had married and divorced the same man twice. Just when I thought I was getting better, the man I was engaged to asked for his ring back. I needed answers, and I was determined to find them, so I kept journaling.
Here’s what I learned, something I should have known but didn’t: before I could truly love anyone, I had to love myself first. I didn’t have a close-up view of what that looked or felt like. Part of the reason was that I’m an “Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACEs) kid who looked for love in all the wrong places. I also learned I wasn’t alone.
What Are ACEs?
I first came across the term at work. It comes from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente study, which uncovered links between childhood trauma, chronic disease, and mental health issues, all of which can get in the way of living your best life. It remains one of the largest bodies of research on childhood trauma and its long-term health impacts. The ten Adverse Childhood Experiences are:
· Physical abuse
· Emotional abuse
· Sexual abuse
· Physical neglect
· Emotional neglect
· Alcohol or drug abuse by a parent
· A mentally ill parent
· Divorce
· Incarceration of a parent
· Domestic violence in the home
How common are they? More than you might think. According to the CDC, nearly 64% of U.S. adults report at least one ACE, and about 1 in 6 report four or more.
I scored a five.
Growing up too fast in a home headed by a single working mother sent me down some nightmarish rabbit holes. But my ACEs score doesn’t define me. Instead, I used it to shed light on why my life unfolded the way it did.
And here’s the small change Takeaway:
Pain led me to gratitude journaling. Gratitude journaling led to introspective journaling. Introspective journaling led to answers, and it still shows me how to turn pain into power.
Life is sometimes hard, but I proudly wear my ACEs battle scars and thank every person, place, and thing that helped me choose the hard that yields the biggest gain. I’m honored that I had the courage to look truth in the face and trust the journaling process.
So where are you on the ACEs scale? If you’re a zero, be grateful – most people aren’t!
If you scored high, know this: naming what’s real is sacred. There was a time when I thought strength meant pushing through silently. No more. Strength says, “This matters, and I can’t change what I won’t face.” Journaling is no quick fix, but it’s a strategy that works.
Put it on paper; Be Well!
Need help? Reach out. I’m here to help.
Myrtle D. Russell
The small change Wellness Coach
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