To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength. - Seneca
Last week was a pivotal moment in our democracy: presidential election week. Moreover, election results were a gratifying reminder of what I could and could not control: I controlled my vote, not who was named president. But I would be lying if I said letting go of the outcome was as easy as it sounds. It was not.
I woke up on November 6th, did my routine journaling, went online to check election results, and made my daily Gratitude post on Facebook (FB). Afterward, I made the mistake of scrolling through my friends' comments, which were mostly opinions about the election, and my nerves kicked in. But I kept scrolling, and the next thing I knew, I was angry. My heart began racing and I felt my blood pressure rising. That's when my inner voice checked me and said: "Myrtle, control your controllables - close the FB app and move on with your day.” I listened, and I'm glad I did.
Not a day goes by that our patience, resilience, or emotional well-being isn't tested. It's just a part of life. Yet, a fundamental skill we often overlook is the ability to discern between what we can and cannot control and the good sense to do something about it. We usually get so emotionally invested in certain situations, people, or outcomes, as I did last week, that it’s hard to let go, even when it’s obvious that holding on to our foolish thinking is harmful to our health.
Before the election, I knew I couldn’t regulate the outcome, nor was I surprised by the results. Yet, I allowed myself to be sucked into the highly addictive, captivating drama that often dominates FB, and momentarily lost it. I had to re-mind myself of what we can and cannot control.
We cannot control:
· The past - the best we can do is learn from it.
· The future – none of us have that power.
· The opinions of others, and we don’t have to accept them as our own.
· The actions of others and how they take care of themselves.
· What other people think of us – it’s really none of our business.
· Finally, the one that causes me the most grief, no matter how much energy we pour into a situation or the people we love, we cannot control the outcome of our efforts.
Accepting our limitations allows us to focus our energy where it truly matters – on the things we can control, and there are only two: 1) Our THOUGHTS; 2) Our ACTIONS. That’s it. Everything else is beyond our control and the sooner we understand this, the healthier we will be!
I keep this quote from the serenity prayer in my Self-Care toolkit: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s a mind-ful prayer that stabilizes me when I’m on edge and helps me build resilience when life throws me off balance. May it reassure you when you forget your level of control.
Need help starting a Self-Care practice, or are you ready to put wings on your dreams, no matter how big or small? I'm here for you with workshops or one-on-one coaching. Contact me at smallchange@myrtlerussell.com. Get tips and subscribe to my weekly blog at www.myrtlerussell.com/blog.
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